Mama’s Little Tree . . . Another year is coming to a close for all of us. True to form, my December birthday brought with it the annual serving of spiritual and emotional work, er, I mean gifts. This year’s presents (remember, all life is a gift) include angels, sparrows, and Mama’s little Christmas tree. All of it tender and poignant.
The little tree came to me as part of my inheritance from Mama, who left Earth in February and is now living happily ever after in her garden of flowers, occasionally looking in on me and, I’m sure, my brothers. Daddy visits her sometimes. He’s recently come to understand that Jesus loves him, that he’s actually worthy of love, and that I’ve forgiven him his forgetfulness of that.
Living alone and no longer able to travel can have me singin’ in the rain, i.e.,singin’ The Blues this time of year. I’ve not had Christmas with my family since 2008 or ’9, but till now I’ve been able to talk to Mama on the phone on Christmas’s Eve, morning, and night. Since that won’t be happening ever again, and this being the first of those “not happening agains,” with a vengeance The Blues walked in and met me; it’s taken a lot of effort to shake off that misery music, and I’m still working on it, but it’s happening. The little tree, the kind you can buy at K-Mart or the drug store, is helping more than I expected. About two feet high counting its bark-like stand and trunk, Mama covered it with plastic red poinsettia blooms, little white doves, and a string of tiny colored lights. It’s a cheerful little thing, infused as it is with Mama’s joy for flowers and birds.
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Sparrows . . . One warm, wonderful day last week I dragged my grandmother’s old (read “vintage”) metal chair to a comfortable spot in the backyard, padded it with a foam mat and propped it more upright with a brick paver so that I could sit there comfortably with my laptop. Of course, in order to see the screen and be able to type I had to cover my head and the computer with a blanket! And yes, we both got a little warm. While writing about 2012 and urging folks to “fear not,” I suddenly felt a small weight on my “floating” left foot (my left leg was crossed over my right). Through a handy opening in the blanket, I could see my foot had suddenly become a landing pad for a very small sparrow. She sat there looking around, yet never seeing me. (I was just another limb – pun intended – as far as she was concerned.) She must have stayed on her perch about ten seconds, surveying the landscape before taking off for unknown climes. A friend with whom I shared my experience of the Visitation felt that Sparrow had come with a message for me. When she looked up “sparrow totem” she found the following:
The sparrow is one of the most common birds around, yet it has flourished when other species have failed. It reflects self-worth. If a sparrow totem has entered your life, ask yourself if you know your own self-worth. The sparrow will show you that even a common little bird can triumph.
The song sparrow reflects the chakra energy awakening from the heart and throat.
It reminds us to sing out our own song of dignity and self worth. During the Middle Ages, the sparrow was the symbol of peasants and the lower classes. In ancient Britain, the sparrow was the symbol of friendly household spirits. To the Greeks, it was the pet of Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love.
I feel a deep kinship with all things, whether animate, like Sparrow, or inanimate, like Stone (I have always said that spirit breathes inside a stone) and so was deeply touched by what the Natives would call Sparrow Medicine and the opportunity to look closely at the message delivered by the young bird’s visit to my left foot. Rarely has anything of such benevolent light landed upon my body. You know how it is, winged beings such as flies and skeeters, wasps, bees and the like do the best they can when they land on you, but golly, it just ain’t the same as a butterfly or a bird paying you such a personal visit. I tell you, it’s holy. Yes ma’am, that’s just what it is.
Sparrow’s medicine bag is powerful reminder to me of my value and the uniqueness of my special song (we all have one), along with the importance of fully claiming my voice while speaking from the heart. Peasant though I may be, Sparrow tells me that my journey may be of a more triumphant nature than I am apt to imagine.
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Birthday Angels . . . I am blessed to have as friends a number of “highly connected” people who would never refer to themselves that way. One of them is an Angel on Earth. I truly believe that. During an evening Advent meditation in one of our local chapels, one that draws people of all or no faith traditions from all ’round the world, this Angel Friend was given a vision (a not unusual experience for her). She called me that night and told me about it. I’ve been scouring the internet ever since for an image close to what she saw, but it’s simply not to be found.
“Amy,” my friend began, “After my meditation I saw this huge Being of Light. SO big! I don’t know if it was an Archangel, but if it was, it was one I’ve never seen before. At it’s heart chakra I could clearly see an image of the Earth, pulsing like a heartbeat.” She paused. “And Amy, I could feel the Being’s “heart” (Earth) was in physical pain. Not like a heart attack, but like angina.”
As she talked, I felt tears welling up in my own heart, though not spilling over, and said, “I know this was a sacred and very personal experience for you, something you’d not want written about. I’ve been wanting to write something all day and I feel a need to write about this.” She was quiet for only a few seconds, then said, “You know how I can see letters form into words? I’ve just seen, ‘This is for Amy,’ so it’s yours, not mine.”
I was stunned.
I have such a strong and visceral love for Earth and all of nature. (I wrote about my heightened sensitivity to both in an earlier post, The Borderland.) I see Earth and nature as sacred and holy, and like many others I can and do feel heartsick at what has slowly happened to both the Earth and to us because we have forgotten having been given a Divine Charge when first we morphed from Spirit into Form: Take care of Earth so that She can take care of you. We “humans” (from the word humus/soil) were born from Her Elements; we need Her to sustain us in our living. In being given dominion over all that was here – and all that remains - we were meant to be good stewards of a bounteous, living planet-world, of which we are literally a part.
When my friend shared the vision it would have been easy to dissolve into tears at the thought of the Great Being who HOLDS OUR HOME experiencing heart pain, pain that’s only there as one of the many painful ramifications of our forgetfulness. We have forgotten not only who we were when we took form, Overseers and Caretakers of our Home Away From Home, but who we are still meant to be, representatives of the Great “Who” – the God of Love and Benevolence that now, more than ever before, we are called to re-awaken within our own hearts.
And so I write. I write because I have to, even though not many will ever read what’s here.
I write to feel connected to myself in the hope that what Sparrow teaches may be what I embody: that just as Daddy has learned that he is worthy, I will never forget that about myself. And I write to remind my HeartMind that I can never be alone as long as there is a Great Being, angel or otherwise, who found a way to deliver a message to little ol’ me that goes something like this: “You are not alone in how you feel; we feel it too. Please help others to know what is true about them. Use your voice; speak the truth. Say to others, ’Open your Heart and remember your Home. Each one of you matters more than you can ever know’.”
My birthday this year fell on the first night of the Festival of Lights, of Hanukkah. A few good friends gathered to celebrate the end of my sixth decade and the beginning of my seventh. While I have often felt there is not enough oil in my lamp to keep the darkness away, I know that is simply a feeling, one that cannot possibly be coming from truth. This week a Sparrow, an Angel on Earth, a Great Being, and Mama’s little tree with its lights “shining like a Baptist window” have all come to remind me of what IS true.
And so now, tonight, and in my sixty-first year here on this grand, yet suffering Earth, I come to remind you, whoever you are, to dig deep if you have to, but by golly, find your Light and let it shine! Give the best that you have, whether it be a small handful of water to a tiny parched kitten or one little birthday candle in honor of the child that you were. Do your best to re-connect with your heart, your voice and your light, and give them freely for all the world to know.