Soul Notes: I Am a Living Energy: A Conversation with Pain, 27 November 2009
[Note: I have become familiar with receiving messages from my Authentic Self, which are often posted in this Soul Notes category. When today’s post was originally received, it was surprising to find that I was hearing from the universal consciousness (hence, the capitalization) of Pain Itself.]
Beloved Higher Self, I love, honor, and appreciate you. Today I ask your help in writing with the pain that has accompanied me for so very long. It could be said that this companion has been my “primary relationship,” and perhaps when it leaves there will be a void. As I have done before, today I wish to speak with the pain again, to “be” with it, to thank it for the gifts it has given, and to release it and envision life again without its companionship. Thank you for your help.
Dear Pain, I want to hear your story.
Before ever I became concretized in your body, your physical body, I was present in your emotional body and in your genetic memory. I am the composite expression of Suffering Itself – both your own and that of your ancestors – and also of the universal, collective pain and suffering. As a sensitive, what you would term an “empath,” you also feel, or receive, the collective pain to transmute for others. This is something you chose as part of your journey as a soul on this earth.
I am a living energy, just as any other. There is no malevolence in me, however; I simply am what I am. I am neither delighted to be felt and carried by others, nor distressed when released from those carriers. As long as humans exist in this dimension, I exist.
As a companion energy to you, within you, I express the unexpressed, the inexpressable, and the inexplicable. It matters not the details of how and when I arrived for you, or even arrived into my own expression. What matters is the choice you make moment by moment to feed or starve me. In your heart, there still flickers a flame of self-effacement, a small fire, or fear, of never being the right kind of person, of never being the good enough person, of never being the smart enough person, of never being the choosable person. Of never being enough of anything you believed would lead to your acceptance. But it is more than acceptance; it is about the very right to exist in equal stature.
You have lived all of your life with continual tension and worry, and these energies have depleted your physical immunity. They have starved your muscles of their nourishment and confused your cells about their appropriate responses.
[Higher Self, this feels awfully hopeless. I don’t know what to do with it all. Can you help?] [H.S. It is not meant to frighten, but to inform. You already know all of this, so simply permit the expression. Do not conclude this before its conclusion.]
As cells become confused, confusion is communicated, spreading from one area of the body to another until there is no longer a sufficient energy of cell-to-cell communication transmitting health information, only the energy and information of tension and worry.
Should you decide to value yourself at the highest, greatest level there is, then your body will begin to reflect that Light. Within that Light, I am not fed, but starved; I no longer have what for me is a healthy host and so I disappear from that host. It is quite simple, really. I feed on the fear, feed on your worry and tension about not being worthy; even more, of your being “wrong” in your very essence, or Being. This describes the healthy host for me. I was born from such energy; I simply exist as long as that energy exists.
Pain, thank you for explaining all this to me. My concern must obviously be less about any void that will remain when you depart and more about the void you fill by being present. I can see that vestiges yet remain of the once dark hole of my belief of my very “wrongness.” As I continue filling that place in me with the Light of my love, this Light will naturally force your departure.
© Amy Pierce and In Spiritual Wonder, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Pierce and In Spiritual Wonder with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.