Soul Notes, The Devil You Know, 8 November 2010
In the just-before-daylight hours of October 28, with the almost-dark as my very still companion, I sat in bed with my notebook barely able to see the page in front of me. I wrote without looking down while “feeling” that the lines my words were creating on the page were nearly horizontal. (I was right.) For some reason, I awoke that early dawn with familiar feelings of toxic shame (an old companion, but not a worthy friend), which is what spurred me to pick up the journal in the dark. I sometimes call my Authentic Self “Aslan” in honor of the God symbol in that wonder of a book by C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I didn’t get to finish the conversation with Aslan on that Thursday morning until today, November 8th, always a favorite day in the year for me. It was the birthday of a favorite aunt and seems, too, to herald my own birthday on December 8th.
Today’s “8:30 a.m.” arrives some thirty hours after our return to Standard Time. I never turn my clock back (or forward, for that matter) when the world tells me to; frankly, I resent the powers that be messing around with daylight and darkness. I prefer to let the days and nights present me with whatever seasonal light is available based on traditional “clock time” and I wait to adjust my clocks till I simply must be in step with the rest of the country. I permit a rebel-like impishness to take over and enjoy the anticipation of determining for myself the “right time” to mess with clocks. This morning I awoke at 7:30 (not 6:30, the “real” time) and thus had my second day of an extra hour; a stolen hour replacing an hour stolen from the Spring. With “free” time, I picked up my journal to see what I might have to say. That’s when I saw my last entry dated October 28. I’d forgotten about it, so Aslan and I have finished it just barely ahead of an arriving client I’d forgotten to expect! May it serve.
Thursday, 28 October 2010
I want to hear a message from my Aslan, my Self, this morning. Thank you, Aslan, for hearing me and for talking with me. I woke up feeling the shame and embarrassment of being me – and shame about the other parts of me that are scattered around this world and flung far into the universes. I don’t know why I feel this way; tears come as I write. Perhaps there is a clearing going on across my timeline. But not feeling too “clear” means that I don’t know if I can receive your wisdom this early morning. But I hope so . . .
. . . Beloved Amy, like you I am saddened by your feelings, not because they reflect the truth of you, but because they reflect your pain, which reflects an untruth.
Aslan, I am saddened by this, too. It’s very, very painful to feel. I’ll do what I know to do energetically. . .”I release the experiences, beliefs, and reinforcements of those beliefs that I am anything other than – . . . anything other than a shining star in the crown of God, Her beloved child in whom she is well pleased. I release it all, and in all realities, all universes, all dimensions, and across all timelines where my soul resides as one being. I affirm that in its place I receive the truth and the sensation of truth – a sense of great Selfness and worth shining like the sun, humble like the coral bells, beautiful like the deer. And it is so. Amen.”
Amy, the aspect of Me that you are is truly no less necessary than the rising of your sun. YOU are the central sun in your timeline at this moment. Knowing that you are one of many aspects of the Great Soul I AM gives you worry, makes you feel less special. This experience comes from your old belief that you don’t matter enough and that, in God’s eyes, you’ve slipped through the cracks. Logically, you know this cannot be so; but emotionally you still sometimes feel that it is.
If you look at the moment in time of this incarnation – look back upon your personal history as Amy – then you can see the roots of the feeling. It seemed to you that your family could not see you as you truly are, but only as you appeared to be: a frightened child in physical and emotional pain and in need of attention and understanding. Your experiences with a complaining and critical father resulted in the shame you carry (remember, we are viewing only this incarnation, which is enough for this conversation). The shaming was in place by the time you were three (if not before through his energy “signature”). He, too, was raised by a critical parent. She, too, had migraines, but not at six months like you did. She, too, was small of stature and had to use her hands to make a living. She, too, grew up as the child of parents who could only do what they could do. The lineage, as you know, is a long one.
In the here and now, you are working today to cleanse your family timeline. This is part of the task you volunteered for. If you will, imagine – (yes, I know you feel that imagination is not easy for you; this is incorrect. Imagination is quite easy for you; the difficulty is in imagining the positive. This is so because you have come to believe over time that what you imagine for yourself can never come true. Better, you think, to stay with the devil you know. But I tell you that your imagination turned in other directions is what is needed here. It does not have to be “perfect” – practice makes perfect. And as you so often tell others, practice is just that: practice).
If you will, imagine yourself a beginner giving yourself permission to explore and play in your imagination. There is no god (yes, little “g” is intentional) rewarding or punishing your efforts. You (and all your brothers and sisters here on earth) took on that role long, long ago. Since you’ve practiced and learned this one so well, it is time to practice and learn a new one. Moving on to the next thing you’d like to do by imagining and dreaming it is what fuels the universe. Only you can give yourself permission (if that’s how you need to see it) to dream and imagine. You fear disappointment so deeply; please know that I understand. And please know that my love pours into you, into the heart of you. As Head Cheerleader, I will help you to do your handstands and will root for you as an integral part of this team that I AM. (Yes, I know you feel this “soul thing” is too complicated. Just think of it as you have come to think of the Mother God – the One giving birth to the Many Faces.)
As Authentic Self/Greater Self, I have joyfully permitted multiple experiences of and for MySelf in the realm of existence. Each existing expression is Me – and you are me, as are all the rest. My eye, like God’s, is on all my “children,” if you will, or all my avenues of experience both on and off your world. I AM completely here with you, in you, as you, and completely “there” with the other aspects of MySelf, which are also you. I never lose sight because I AM the Sight. I am the Thing Itself, the Life God gave as Soul.
Remember this, though: You are one of God’s “begotten” sons and daughters, as is everything you see and all that you do not. Did you ever believe there was just one begotten son? Not really, no, you didn’t, but that message stuck with you for a very long time and contributed to your lack of self worth. Once you understood the truth of Jesus’ teaching, “What I have done, all men can do, and what I am all men shall be,”* you moved from the narrowness of John’s teaching. All this “only begotten” business can be talked about at another time. While there is a deeper meaning (hence, a deeper truth) to it, it is not as it was taught. Suffice it to say, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”**
Back to those feelings that you are releasing. As you internalize the truth of who you are, the magnificence you are as a spark of the Divine Fire, you will burn away the shame. As alive as it seems to be in you this moment, there is no more storage space available for it, so take it out of your psyche and lay it upon God’s altar, saying, “Here is an idol I have made that I no longer wish to attend. I give it to you, Mother, so that I may have no idols before you.” (Which does not mean that She should then be an idol, just that you no longer wish to put anything ahead of the Love that She is and that you are.) And here’s that deeper truth about the “only begotten son” business: It is LOVE that is the only begotten son of God. Jesus came to tell you that – and to remind that you – all of you – are the LOVE awaiting your own recalling.
While you’re at it (giving up idols, that is), you may as well give Her the others you’ve claimed as larger than Her: illness, poverty, despair. And worthlessness … Be not afraid; all of you on your planet wrestle with worthlessness and make idols in its name. For some of you, the untruth of your worthlessness becomes greed; for others, poverty; for many, wars in God’s name; and for some, service to “please” God. If you could but see, just for an instant, the truth and reality of the life that awaits your enjoyment when you release the idols, you would take the wings of the morning and fly to the altar of God to place your Santa-size bag upon the mossy ground whereon resides Her heart (right alongside yours). No, the altar of God is not some huge stone between the two of you that you must climb many steps to get to the base of. At the very least, She is that which you most resonate to. A mossy hillside will do just fine. The altar is the Heart of God, not the sacrificial stone of ages past, though many of you yet keep that image alive. She is there in the hillside, in the tornado, in the calm of the eye; is the Love that gave birth to form in all its wonder.
You humans have made God in your image rather than understand the truth of your being created in the image of Her, which is Love. The Triune God is Might, Wisdom, and Love. Again, though, better the devil you know: power over, closed eyes, and fear.
Fear is the devil of human reality, of your kingdom; Love, the face of God.
Fear, the madness of the masses; Love, the sanity of the Sovereign.
Fear, the wasteland of the weary; Love, the bounty of beauty that you ever are and yet turn away from.
Still, though. . . “If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall thy hand lead me . . .”***
Share these words; let their power move hearts. And let that power imbue your imagination, Amy, so that your living takes flight on the wings of the morning.
Blessed Be. – Aslan
*The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ, Levi
**William Shakespeare, Hamlet
*** Psalm 139:9
© Amy Pierce and In Spiritual Wonder, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Pierce and In Spiritual Wonder with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.