Cat-agorically: To the Two-Footeds, from Ginger Cat, 23 December 2010
#1. I don’t know why you are fussing to unwrap things in boxes. You seem to think the deal is what is in them. Don’t you know the fun part is playing with the paper and curling up inside the box?
#2. You don’t get enough naps. And when you do nap? I worry about your spine ‘cuz you don’t curl up well. And you need to stretch more. That’s why cats never need chiropractors.
#3. You waste a lot of water when you shower. Even those of you that claim to be green. And you can save some money on soap and shampoo. Tongues work best.
#4. You spend a lot of time typing on that warm thing when you could just let me sit on it.
#5. When you hang the toys on my tree, my removing them seems to be a problem for you. Likewise, the tree water is as good or better than the water in my bowl. And why do you get mad when I climb my tree anyway?
#6. No more elf hats for cats, please. It’s so undignified.
#7. How would you like having a bell around your neck all the time?
#8. When you get chocolate, I get catnip. I’m just sayin’. (It’s only fair.)
#9. I’m tired of the laser pointer. It’s so last year.
#10. And about that litter box. Most of you wait way too long to clean it out. So don’t get mad when we pee on your bed.
#11. You don’t think highly enough of yourself. Don’t run to the door everytime someone knocks. And don’t let anyone rub your belly till after the third date.
#12. I think you’d feel better if you just puked more often. If necessary, eat some toilet paper off the roll. That’ll bring it up.
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